After last week’s stressful realization that this current situation is too pressure-filled and uncertain for me to move to NYC right now, doors of other opportunities seem to be bursting open– well, actually just the theoretical opportunities in my head (and look how far those have gotten me…). Do I take this time of being young, single, child- and pet-less to travel? I could go back to Omaha, get a temp job, save up some more money to buy a cheap-but-sturdy car and take off, touring the states in a frenzy of loose food and fast women. I could go to Argentina and teach English while learning about tango and romance from a soft-spoken, byronic local (not that I’ve thought about it…but he’s 6’3″, dark features and shoulders for miles). I also have the urge to settle down somewhere, though. I want the cozy apartment for dinner parties and decorating! I want the pet and the 401K! I want the child! (HA! Gotcha.) It’s a really exciting thing, this semi-newfound freedom, but it’s also pretty daunting. No thanks to Google streetview for making every locale look like a dollar-store inundated munchkin village.
Everybody I know has a different opinion on the best post-grad living choice for me; I should go here– because it’s closer to Omaha, because I’ll be able to pursue music, because it’s more affordable, because it IS Omaha, because I’ll be able to find a non-music job, because there are no jobs anywhere so I might as well learn to surf and stay on so-and-so’s couch while the economy weeps in a corner somewhere. The thing that’s keeping me sort of grounded in and excited for the jobless, penny-pinching present (besides my loving and generous family and friends [some of whom are in frighteningly similar situations], obviously) is my ever-increasing life to-do list. NOT to be confused with a bucket list, a list of things to see and do before the great and scary ending, this list is chalk-full of little joys and big challenges that I can focus on immediately.
My list is all up on that self-improvement ish: get in kick-butt shape and learn krav maga (for those dark alley kinda nights), learn to cook really delicious, clean & healthy food for myself and my family, design my ideal apartment and make it happen. A lot of it is music-focused (take time to write each day, write a song each Thursday for practice even when I don’t feel like it, save up enough money to make new cd like, totally badass), and some of it is stuff I’ve always wanted to do but somehow never found opportunity to (learn to sail, take a comedy class). This list is important to me, and I hope it will rub off and make my next few months important to me, whatever it is I end up doing. I also know that wherever I land, as I cross items off the list, I’ll move toward bringing a better version of me to that place…or at least, a sailing version of me just brimming with shitty Thursday songs.
What about you, dear reader, do you have a list? If so, what’s on it?